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Alcohol free December


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#121 polkadotty

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 11:49 AM

ok, so (if I've understood correctly!) you miss the being able to escape via some form of substance/behaviour rather than the drinking itself? That makes complete sense - I could not agree more with the replacing behaviours being so much easier than abandoning all of them...because that means actually having to deal with LIFE and FEELINGS (aaaaaaaarrrrgghhhhhhh!)  

 

Nook, neverenough - Thank you *hugs*


Edited by polkadotty, 30 December 2014 - 11:51 AM.

current status:  :stuff: 


#122 GW-Project

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 11:54 AM

Yep, that is exactly the part I do miss about being alcohol free. As long as I'm in a rational state of mind I can convince myself that there are no upsides to abusing alcohol, that it is not a sustainable thing to do for the rest of my life, that it takes away from a proper sleeping pattern, that it only costs me (money, health, benefits of therapy & prescribed medication)... However, when I'm not thinking straight, I just want an out and now that I'm finally over my fear of alcohol's calories I could/would drink it in abundance if I wasn't with my parents right now... Yeah, dealing with life and feelings and sobriety is definitely aaarghhh-worthy ;)


Trying to stay sane is like a full-time hobby


#123 GW-Project

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 12:57 PM

As for the external motivation turning into internal motivation... Does anyone have any input? Please? I have until Monday to get myself there. (staying under supervision for much longer is no option because of therapist appointments)


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#124 polkadotty

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 04:01 PM

Glad I understood you :) 

 

As for your question... well I have no solution as such (if anyone discovers it, please tell me!) But I do have suggestions:

 

I would encourage you to make a list of all the benefits you are feeling right now - physical and mental, and all those you will reap in the future (i.e. financial, not getting into embarrassing situations etc). Make this list as beautiful and colourful as possible, adding pictures that inspire and uplift you.

 

Secondly maybe figure out the amount of money you spend on alcohol per day and every day that you manage not to drink (or to drink less) put that money in a special jar only for this (again, decorate the jar to make it a thing of beauty). Use this to treat yourself to things that will truly make your life better. Self-care products are a good idea as they reinforce your feelings of increased well-being and perhaps most importantly your self worth. Tell yourself 'I deserve to take care of myself not only because I am a worthwhile person but also because I am winning my battles'.

 

I'm gradually coming to the conclusion that personally I cannot find it for myself right now so am going to ask my dr about Antabuse. Extreme but I think things have got to a point where things can't continue like this...am kidding myself about it being a bottle of wine per night because I drink vodka throughout the day and sort of dismiss it because it's mixed with lemonade. Had to check the recycling box today because I couldn't remember drinking the 2nd bottle but couldn't think of any other explanation :(


current status:  :stuff: 


#125 GW-Project

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 08:17 PM

Thank you. It is a good suggestion. However, those pro- and cons-matrices are very rationally/cognitively grounded. I've made lists like that, and lists of upsides to certain behaviors, for ED, self harm etc. in the past and it never works on me because those words on a paper mean nothing to me when I'm emotional or overwhelmed. I'm truly glad the whole cognitive wave that has been going through psychology is benefiting many people but I am not one of them. It's all nice and good until something actually hits me, and I want out.

 

I mad it to/through the seventh day of sobriety though :) It's a week...in some ways it was the longest week of the year, in other ways it flew by. I can't say I have truly been struggling, neither physically nor mentally.

 

NYE is tomorrow night and I really don't know what I want to do with it. Coincidentally my father became sick yesterday and he's far from getting better. Which means: I might not be home alone after all, in which case there is no point in even thinking about boozing up.

 

Wishing you all a lot of strength on New Year's Eve and the first day of the new year, especially when others around you are drinking ;)


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#126 neverenough

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 08:26 PM

Polkadotty- Excellent suggestions. I'm a fan of CBT myself.

GW- So sorry to hear about your father, and I hope he gets well soon. Really proud of u for your 1 week sobriety!

Back to day 1. Stomach is all icky from last night. One reward for not drinking would be a healthy GI tract!

#127 Nook

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 08:31 PM

I'll try and catch up on this thread when I am feeling better... But I'll be hoping we all get through to the new year ok and will feel renewed to fight things in 2015.
...
19/30. Best I have managed all year!
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#128 letsholdhands

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Posted 31 December 2014 - 03:37 AM

Good work guys! I'm glad we have so many people on board.

 

GW, you are amazing! I too feel like if i'm not drinking I want something else, just something else to alter the way I feel so I can not be in the present. I don't want to sit with myself and feel everything. The first week off alc for me was hard but in the second week I wasn't coming home or hitting 7pm or whatever time thinking 'it's drinking time, I want a drink now', 'I'm home now, lets get started'. It wasn't the first thing I thought of or something I expected to happen. I got used to my evenings being about something other than alcohol like enjoying a movie or rock climbing. Keeping busy helps if you can do that. 

 

Nook, I hope you feel better soon.

 

Had 3 on Saturday, 1.5 Sunday and none yesterday (strangely no cravings yesterday). Bought a 6 pack of beer for tonight, having 1 now at 4.30pm. Hopefully tonight is enjoyable and I'll let myself drink but it has to be paced drinking! I will be driving at 10pm so that's a good barrier to evening drinking. Only 7.5 hours til the New Year!  :)



#129 polkadotty

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Posted 31 December 2014 - 07:53 AM

yeah...although I think the suggestions I gave could work really well for some people, I'm not really one of them either :( Have always had a 'distractions' list for things to do instead of b/p - but dammit when I want to binge then that's what I want to do, not look at sodding lists! The money thing though I might try, it's something more tangible.

 

Good luck for tonight everyone xx


current status:  :stuff: 


#130 GW-Project

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Posted 31 December 2014 - 10:20 AM

Thank you all for your supportive reactions :)

 

@Letsholdhands: Wow, sounds promising :) Maybe (after) this second week it could be as you're describing. I'm sorry you, too, feel as though you need something to not sit there with yourself and your thoughts/emotions *hugs*


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#131 Nook

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Posted 31 December 2014 - 10:32 AM

Still not well... So no alcohol for me tonight :)

20/31. Reached my 20 goal after all. Didn't think that'd be possible :o

Wishing you all the very best into 2015. I hope we can all fight our respective fights as needed in the new year. I relate to a lot of what you are all saying, but can not formulate a response :P hopefully be clearer (and better) soon
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#132 GW-Project

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Posted 31 December 2014 - 07:10 PM

Yep... back to zero. I had a time window of 5 minutes and I took it.


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#133 neverenough

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Posted 01 January 2015 - 02:21 AM

^^ Aw, hugs GW, hopefully u can continue not drinking after. And at least your body got a break during the past week.

Am drinking a bit now, but went out to dinner w/ hubbie and son, then spent 'alone' time with hubbie after son went to sleep. Overall, I'm considering this night a win. :)

#134 letsholdhands

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Posted 01 January 2015 - 04:26 AM

GW, 1 day drinking out of several is still amazing, don't lose hope. Pick yourself up and make a fresh start in January  :) 
 

5.8 last night. I've actually been over counting my drinks a bit this whole time because I was counting them as 40% not as 37%. 




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