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To those still drinking/those who want to quit


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#1 sarabear

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Posted 05 September 2015 - 06:08 PM

Why do you still drink? I can't figure myself out :( I need anyone to relate to. This is nothing like how heroin or any drug was, nothing like any other addiction. Every time I go to take one sip I am scared i will die. My organs plunge to borderline shutdown, then I revive them enough to do it again. I hate it. I cry all the time. I hate facing the day. I am scared people see it. I want to eat food like everyone else and it just comes back up. I puke in my upstairs bedroom corner in bags because the house is so quiet I fear roommates will hear me in their bathroom. They comment how I don't eat. And boyfriend just offers me sandwiches and says I need to stop being this way. I want to run away. I want to be good and well so why don't i? If I want to stop why don't i?

?????????

Edited by sarabear, 05 September 2015 - 06:09 PM.


#2 charxUK

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Posted 05 September 2015 - 07:16 PM

Habit.

Vodka has always been there for me more than any other friend. It comforts me, doesnt judge me and makes me feel better.

I have been drinking since I was 13, on and off. I can quit any time, but as soon as something bad happens, thats it, I find that bottle.

And that I can't change.

“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” 


#3 sarabear

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Posted 05 September 2015 - 08:32 PM

That's the thing. It is habit for me, that is true, it's just almost automatic. But it is my enemy. I hate it. It physically hurts when I drink. I cringe and almost throw up initially before I first think about it. Sometimes I cant even hold it down. It doesn't get me drunk. I dunno what to call the state it gets me. Nothing. But not what I was to start with. Then if enough, black out. I just don't get why I could logically, why anyone could logically do this. It's not like dope, I'm not withdrawing much if at all. I don't need it to be well. I know I need to escape reality. Or that is my niche I should say. Maybe even if it hurts, I'm still escaping....

#4 sarabear

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Posted 05 September 2015 - 08:34 PM

ChaxUK and thank you. I basically do the same. I quit, then something happens to disrupt peace (ie: someone looks at me wrong :/ ) and I run to vodka and self destruction


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