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Help? Stressing about work tomorrow


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#1 Wednesday

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Posted 20 July 2015 - 06:08 AM

I've been hospitalised twice in the last 6 weeks as a result of drug OD's. 

 

The thing is, I work at the hospital. Both times I was hospitalised different sets of staff were on, and I was off my face on pills. Now a large majority of the people that I work directly with know my clinical history and have seen me unwell. 

I'm feeling pretty shit about this situation. I'm trying not to feel embarrassed- but I do feel embarrassed about it. Hospitals hate patients like me who waste their time with pathetic OD's*. And obviously, in the situation where I am the patient and largely non responsive, I don't really get any opportunity to defend myself and explain what happened or why it happened. I know awareness for mental illness has increased in recent times, but I still feel like all the judgements will be hanging in the air... 

Now I'm freaking out about going back to work tomorrow :( Any advice? Does anyone else here work in a hospital? What do the staff say or talk about behind our backs? 

 

 

*(Both of the OD's were relatively minor, in neither case did I call the ambulance or want to go to hospital, but I was in public spaces and security guards got involved and they called emergency services). (And yes, obviously I know taking drugs is bad and I should avoid this situation, and I am working on doing that... but I had given up the b/p-ing for a while and was just not coping with emotions etc.). 


Edited by Wednesday, 20 July 2015 - 06:10 AM.


#2 charxUK

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Posted 20 July 2015 - 01:49 PM

Go in head held high and focus on the job. Thats the main thing. Everything that has happened is no concern of anyones what so ever.

People will be horrible, its human nature, that's what we do. Don't react, that's what they want.
  • Wednesday likes this

“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” 


#3 xlollzx

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Posted 20 July 2015 - 06:58 PM

How did you get on? I've been in a similar situation and had a mixed response. Some lovely people, some completely ignored it (best response) and some talked behind my back (and I found out.) its a tough one. Thoughts and best wishes with you x

#4 Wednesday

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Posted 20 July 2015 - 09:17 PM

Thanks. I have tried to remain positive and confident.

I got to work and found out my swipe card had been deactivated. So I couldn't even get in to work originally. I just got in to work now (2 hours later...).

I feel like shit, to be honest, and just want to go home. I've been avoiding all the areas where people will 'know' what happened. I want to look for a new job but I don't have the emotional energy for this shit. (My head is FUCKING YELLING at me about everything).



#5 Wednesday

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Posted 20 July 2015 - 09:21 PM

Just counting down the hours until I can go home and b/p. Will stay off the pills for a while. May indulge in some alcohol.

In the meantime I will don a smile and try to power through my tasks. Luckily, there doesn't seem to be too much work to do today, so I should be able to get through it despite my lack of concentration.



#6 ribbon

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Posted 21 July 2015 - 09:40 PM

((Wednesday)) sorry I haven't contributed. It sounds like a tough tough situation and I'm sorry you're going through it xxx

#7 Wednesday

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Posted 21 July 2015 - 10:55 PM

Thanks Ribbon. I have called in sick today, which isn't really helping me at all. I didn't sleep last night (or the last few nights) and have a nice headache (despite avoiding alcohol yesterday). I thought I was going to end up with a migraine because my vision was starting to go blurry, so I called in sick. But now I feel fine. 

 

I just want to hand my resignation in, but then I won't be able to pay the fucking bills. So I feel very trapped about this. 



#8 Lottie

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Posted 29 August 2015 - 06:07 AM

This is tough. I had a similar situation but it was after my contract had ended (short-term contracts)... The knowledge of the incident spread through my colleague base... I haven't been back there for work since. I don't know how I'd manage it. I guess head held high and job focussed on... Don't run, don't hide, just do your job as best you can. You are brave. You CAN do this.

Practice, Patience, Persistence

 

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