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I took a bad combo of pills


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#1 Wednesday

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Posted 31 May 2015 - 08:32 AM

I took a bad combination of pills and got high and raged a bit. I went around and damaged some property, and got caught by a security guard and I passed out shortly after that and came too in the hospital, 5 hours later. 

I just feel so disappointed in myself now for doing this :( Incredible guilt really. I know why I did this and it's because of so much built up anger... but I didn't realise I would end up feeling so lousy. I feel like I can't win at life... 

 

Any ideas on how I can make myself feel better? 

I am trying to take this as a lesson- stay away from drugs, and 'this is what guilt and regret feel like', but even acknowledging those things, I feel like fucking shit. 



#2 limon-miele

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Posted 31 May 2015 - 10:57 AM

Oh love, you're not a bad person. I'm so sorry this happened, it just sounds like a nightmare.

I hope you're not in too much trouble for the damage?

All you can do is accept that this has happened, take responsibility for it and try to make good the damage (the damage to yourself as well) as well as you can. Further harshness towards yourself really won't help and I hope you can find a way to look after yourself and be gentle to yourself today.

You're also going to be suffering from the after effects of the drugs themselves, remember so give this some time and space- these horrible feelings will pass eventually.

Are you back home?

Can you spend some time with animals today (just thinking of snuggling with cats as it always helps me)?

Nice bath, movie and a chill-out

Hugs to you

xxx


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#3 Wednesday

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Posted 31 May 2015 - 09:01 PM

I don't know what's going to happen about the damage... I think they were concerned about my physical health first and trying to get me safe. I am waiting for them to call me. 

 

Radical acceptance is a good idea. (but not easy). 

Unfortunately I don't have any pets, or a bath :( But thank you for the suggestions! 

 

They have referred me to CADS (community alcohol and drug services). Hopefully this incident will put me off taking anything for a while. 



#4 *mirror*image*

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Posted 01 June 2015 - 07:47 AM

I did that once years ago.. it was my first and only time using speed and i basically damaged property because i wasn't aware of myself at all and didn't recognize my own strengths..

I definitely used that to reflect on myself.. I was embarrassed, appalled and scared that i could so removed from myself that it would cause me to do things without me even realizing it until i came down hours afterwards..

Baths are something i definitely use to chill out but since you don't have access to that music really works and also having access to CADS is definitely good.. that is a resource and something you should take advantage of.. being able to talk in an non judgmental atmosphere is something i know i would've benefited from as a whole at that time in my life.. talking openly, freely and honestly in a safe situation can definitely be the beginning of a healing experience and i would definitely take advantage of your time there while you have it..


Like limon-miele said.. be gentle with yourself.. we're only human.. we take time to heal.. we take time to grow and we take time to develop.. recognizing your actions and life could be improved upon is different than bashing yourself over the head for it.. One is helpful and allows for periods of growth and the other is damaging and will only cause unhappiness and suffocation..

Hope you are safe right now!!..

Don't focus on the past.. focus on the girl on the inside who needs love and healing and understanding and you will be starting in the right direction.. ;)..
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#5 Lottie

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Posted 01 June 2015 - 08:42 AM

I wish I had something more helpful to write. My first thought were "be gentle with yourself" any my second were "what in reality would help me in such s situation?"... For me the answer to the second was to do done voluntary work, to give back some way to others or society.... Visiting an elderly relative, cooking a meal for an exhausted friend with kids....

We all make mistakes. Some times we make them once, some times more.... But we learn. Be forgiving X
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Practice, Patience, Persistence

 

imagejpg3_zps0b013c84.jpg     imagejpg4_zps71f54240.jpg

 


#6 Wednesday

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Posted 01 June 2015 - 10:14 AM

Thank you Mirror Image and Lottie. 

 

Mirror- thanks for sharing your experience and wisdom... hopefully in the future I can look back on this incident more positively... I am also scared and appalled that I could do such a thing... I am trying to take this as a learning and growing experience, because that's exactly what it is. And I have thanked my lucky stars for the opportunity to grow in this way without worse damage being done. (I could have seriously hurt someone else or myself and it could have ended very badly). I am not sure what to think about my safety at this point, I still feel quite scared of myself for what I did... but yes, hopefully I can utilise CADS to prevent this happening again. 

 

Lottie- I think some volunteer work is called for! I need to make amends in a serious way. 



#7 Wednesday

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Posted 01 June 2015 - 10:16 AM

I am worried that this incident is going to trigger me back in to the ED, because the ED is such a good way to get control back in to my life. 

I am also a wee bit sad that I had this bad experience, because drugs and alcohol were quite a big part of my personality.... I liked to 'party' but I should probably grow up and move on from that :(


Edited by Wednesday, 01 June 2015 - 10:16 AM.


#8 Wednesday

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Posted 02 June 2015 - 09:50 AM

If I look thin when I go to court then the judge will take more pity on me and give me a lesser sentence, right? 



#9 charxUK

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Posted 02 June 2015 - 01:47 PM

^ depends on the judge.

Not always.

“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” 


#10 *mirror*image*

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Posted 05 June 2015 - 02:29 PM

If I look thin when I go to court then the judge will take more pity on me and give me a lesser sentence, right?


Sentencing would be based off of the law and the crime committed if the judge is any good.. not off of looks.. I wouldn't count on that to get you through ..

Be kind to yourself.. this too shall pass!!.. You will get through this!!!!..

Edited by *mirror*image*, 05 June 2015 - 02:36 PM.



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